Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
