i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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