I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
