You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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