I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
