Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
