Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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