that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
