we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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