you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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