You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
