Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
