he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
