After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
