Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
