my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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