what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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