Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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