She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
