u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
