his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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