Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
