Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
