still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
