she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
