I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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