The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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