how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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