$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
