a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
