I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
