i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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