Im at strip club and am horny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
