Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
