I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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