I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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