Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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