I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
