Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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