Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
