My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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