dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
