he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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