He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
