Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
