So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He felt like a one man threesome
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DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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