Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize