you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize