I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
