Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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