she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
