mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
