Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
