i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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