Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
