i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
