Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sex in a hospital.. check
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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