in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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