I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
