Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
