So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
