she woke up with a sticky ear
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
