one might say we're banned from that church
false alarm. still invincible.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
