My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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